Monday, 10 February 2014

Chocolate poem

my chocolate POEMS

Chocolate, the dark brown
Sometimes yellowish-bieige
Coloured candy

How can you be so awful
Yet so wonderful
OH chocolate

When one puts you in
One's mouth, you taste
Divine to a point where
One gets addicted to
Your awesome taste
And all you do is get
Them fat

Is that the pay back (revenge)
You give to one when thy
like you ?

Humans will never stop
Eating you, because you're
Divine....
You melt gently and slowly
In one's mouth,bringing
Happiness and smiles
To their face,taking their
Stress and anger away
OH chocolate,CHOCOLATE

Oh chocolate

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

tswana jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.ke ntse ke tswa go reka lunch ha C.B.D.
i saw a grown up lady le a young boy(aged around 5).
what attracted my attention ke go utlwa mosadimogolo
a ntse a raya mosimanyana wa teng a ntse a re:
"Degree, stop it please"
something came to my mind: why mosimanyana o a bitswa such a great name!?
then i greeted mosadimogolo n later asked:
"this boy looks so bright, why le mmitsa Degree?"
mosadimogolo; ngwanaka(me), selelo le khuranyo ya meno.
we sent his mother to varsity, that's what she got for us(pointing at the boy).
i was so hurt n i called this boy Degree since mmagwe a paletswe ke gotla ka tsone!

2.*blast from the past*
Diane tsa segompieno......reloaded
- Kgakakgolo ga ke na mabala......Maybe ke colour-blind
-Meno mašweu......Thanx to Colgate
-Moja morago..... Ke Bari
- Se bone tholwana borethe... .. E tshwana le tennis ball.
-Mosadi ke tšhwene o...... Dula ko Pretoria zoo
-Sedikwa ke ntsa pedi... Ke go lomiwa fela
-Mmangwana o tshwara... madi a maintenance
- Tsela kgopo... .. ga e na Skontiri
- Sekhukhuni se bonwa ke. ....Daily news
- Se se nkganang.. ( i like this one)_ A: Ke tlo se Reipa
- Le fa o ka e buela leopeng... Scorpions se tlo go tshwara...
-Gaabo motho ... Ke moo a tswaletsweng gona
-Phiri ya mekoke mebedi..... Re e tseela o one.......

3.Nako nngwe a santse a bala 1....Nthabiseng abo a latela teachara a batla go itse sengwe
nthabiseng: teacher a mama o kgona go ithwala(get pregnant) ??
teacher: o na le dingwaga tse kahe??
nthabiseng: tse 37 teacher: ee o a kgona
nthabiseng: nkgonne wa ngwanyana ene?
teacher: o na le dignwaga tse kahe??
nthabiseng:tse 16 teacher: ee ngwanaka.....o a kgona
nthabiseng: nna? morutabana: o na le dingwaga tse kahe neh ngwanaka?
nthabiseng: tse 6 teacher :hehe nnyaya ngwanaka ga o kgone
lemogang o ne a ntse a iphitlhile ka fa morago
ga setilo ke fa o goa a re ''waa bona?? ke go reile kare oska wara!!"

sotho jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.Matome obe a dutse kgaufi le ausie Nkele ko taxing
Matome ke ge a mo kgahlile a leka go mosebela ka ge
abe a sa nyake gore banamedi ba kwe gore obolela eng le Nkele
Matome : Ausie ka mokgoa woo olego pila ka gona
ebile ke hloka maitswaro nna kea go rata. Are ratane hle kea go kopa
Nkele : [shouting] Abuti wee tlogela go ntswenya
ga ke nyake. Kgane Y onkgapeletsa na nxaaa
Matome abona gore banamedi ba mo lebeletse ke ge are
?Ausie wee ka kgopelo kere bula lefestere leo
otlapile asseblief maan ,okgahlwa ke re nkgelwa na. Jeeeer
Phogole

2.Matome wanted 2 enlarge his 4-5 n
he went 2 a sangoma.D sangoma
said no problem n he gave him some muti.He also said when he is
going home any animal he point at,his 4-5 will b like dat
animal.@1st he saw a rabbit n he ddnt point at it(2small)n he also
saw a dog n he ddnt point at it (2small again)At last he saw a
donkey n he pointed@it immediately n when hn heard
movements in d trousers he smiled alone.Later at home he
called d wife 4sex n 2surprise her (coz she was always complaining
of his small organ)When he took off his trousers the wife
fainted..lol not becoz of the size of the 4-5 but matome had
mistakenly pointed 2a female donkey on d way!
Peace

3.Operator: "Thank you for calling Scooter's Pizza. May I have your ..."
Customer: "Halloo, can I order?"
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eish ....., hold on .....eh.... 698-45-54610 ..."
Operator : "OK... you're .... Mr Sfiso Majola and you're calling from
17 Retief Street. Your home number is 011 403 2366, your office 011 764
2302 and your mobile is 082 266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the System Sir."
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir."
Customer: "How come?" Operator : "According to your medical records,
you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol levels, Sir."
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir."
Customer: "OK I give up ... Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is R149.99!
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir.
Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank R5 720.55 since June last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives."
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,
you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawals today."
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait
you can always come and collect it on your Green Double Cab ...."
Customer: "What!" Operator : "According to the details in the system,
you own a Nissan Double Cab, ... registration number NRB 132 GP ....."
Customer: " Fsek, man. O mpolella matlakala. neh!"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on the 15th July 1987?
You were convicted for using abusive language to a policeman.
I need not tell you what happened to you at Kroonstad Prison" Customer: [Speechless] Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing ...... by the way ... aren't you giving me those 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic ... "
Customer: "Please cancel the order, ke tla ja sphatlho"
Operator : "Should I remind you how much fat there is in that township take-away of yours?...
Customer: "Forget it man, ke tla robala ke tlala"
Operator : "Good for you ma friend... it will help you lose that weight you are struggling with...
Shabi

swati jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.umemba ebetshaya'ebuya endlini evela emsebenzini umfazi eleskomba
....umfazi wezwa igedi livulwa weqa leskomba laso sazama ukugqoka
kanti okungumfazi sokuleplani kudala kwatshela isikomba ukuthi "wena ungagqoki
ngena espeya sabantwana" iskomba laso sangena chop chop umfazi walandel
a lengubo enhle wembathisa iskomba sakhe...isimanga yikuthi
wamtshiya izibunu ziphandle egcekeni wasitshela
isikomba ukuthi singakhulumi njalo singambathi lezibunu...usamfana
wangena wahle watshelwa ukuthi umamazala usespeya sabantwana
uyagula utshiywe ngosbare babuyela...."ngcono likhulumise
umama espeya baba lingakabuyeli emsebenzini baba"..usamfana
wayakhona espeya wahle wathola umnyango uvuliwe wathi ethi
uyabingelela wahle wahlangana lezibunu wabuyela masinya...uyambuza umfazi
"limkhulumisile na umama" kwaba nzima ukuthi umemba atsho
ukuthi uthole izibunu ziphandle wazwakala ethi "yah umama akezwa
kuhle lamuhla sibili, hambelala laye espeya mina
ngizalala labantwana emain bedroom"

2.UMavuso wayeseziphekela yedwa lokumfana kwakhe
umaMlilo epheka labantwabakhe yiyo impilo eyayisiphilwa lapha ekhaya.
Kwakhasakhasa okuSgubhu kwaya kwabambelela kwakhulanyana.
0makhelwane babefisa ukumgcina uSgubhu kodwa uSkhotheni
wayengafuni lakho wayecabanga ukuthi omunye umuntu
wayengeke amphathe ngendlela yena ayemphethe ngayo umtanakhe.
Nanko kusiya kuzamanyana ukuhamba kwaze kwaya kwaqina
.Abanye abantwana nxa beqala ukufunda
ukukhuluma baqala ngokuthi mama uSgubhu okwakhe
kwaba lusizi wayezambiza lowo mama embonaphi emazelaphi ngakho
waqala ngokuthi Baba. Baqinisile ma bethi intandanenhle ngekhothwa ngunina
ngabe phela wayekhona unina wayezamnika uthando njengabobonke
omama kubantwababo. Bonke abantu bakuleyondawo
babekubona lokho umaMlilo ayekwenza uSkhotheni lomntanakhe
kodwa bafele ngaphakathi njengephilisi besabe ukumkhuza ngoba
lalingakutshonela emini. UmaMlilo wayethi angakukhomba
ngomunwe kwakumele uyelabhela ngembuzi nxa kungenjalo
lalikutshonela usukwelamathonga. Ngelinye ilanga uSgubhu esekhulakhulile
wayeselanda iminyaka eyisithupha esebonabona nje okunye
besehlathini loyise wezwakala uyise ethi
;"mfanawami Sgubheqolo sondela lapha:"wasondela uSgubhu
ecabanga nje ukuthi uyise uyamdlalisa njengenjayelo.;"Wamgaxa
okungamaketane okuncane kwegolide okubili okuhlala entanyene wasethi
';"Mfanawami lezizinto ziligugu uzigcine kahle uzifihle
zizakusiza empilweni yizinto ezidulayo lami ngaziphiwa
ngabelungu ababezothenga inkomo kimi namuhla ngizinika wena
;" Khifikhifi-iiiiiiiiii nguSkhotheni esehlisa izinyembezi sokusala ukuthi azibambe
:"Waseqhubeka :"mfanawami mina sengikukhulisile
usukhulile nxa usungaka ngoba mina akusensukuzatshwala
ukuthi ngilale umzimba wami ngiyawuzwa uyangitshela;"Hayi zehla
kuSkhotheni lapho ke loSgubhu zehla lakuye phelamadoda ukubona
indoda ende eyayingangoSkhotheni ikhala kwakuzwisa ubuhlungu
kakhulu. Bakhala uyise lomntwana kwaswelakala ozathulisa omunye
. Waphinde waqonqosela ukuthi lezizinto ayemnike zona azifihle zingabonwamuntu
zizomsiza ekukhuleni. ":Hayi baba ngizalala lawe angifuni ukulala ngedwa ungangitshiyi
ngizahamba lawe baba ungangitshiyi ngokuSgubhu kukhala
ngemva kokuqonqosela kukayise kwazise kwakuzwile
kodwa kungazwisisanga *asihlangane kusasa

3.uNgadi wayethi angahlala akhumbule abazalibakhe zehle izinyembezi.
Mina ngendlela engangibona ngayo lengqondo yayisithathela kude into
ayengayikhohlwa yikuthandaza ngoba ngikhumbula ngobunye ubusuku
wathandaza waze wakhala inyembezi ethi kungcono Nkosi uthathe
umphefumulo ngoba sengizwile. Wathi eqeda lapho wathi UJEHOVA UNGUMALUSI WAMI.
"Sawubona mfowethu;:kubingelela omunye udade eqondise kuNgadi"kwangathi
ulahlekile kanti futhi ungathi ngiyakufanisa,
awusuki koGodlwayo omnyama umahlabayithwale nje wena?"Kuqhuba lodade"
."Ungifanisa lobani owangaphi kwakoGodlwayo?"NguNgadi esondela
secabanga ukuthi sethole umuntu ozomlayela uNgiga."Mina ngibuya eFilabusi eSanali
kanti igama lami ngingu PERCY MPOFU kodwa sengikhohliwe lapho engakubona
khona"kutsho lodade owayefake izicathulo ezinde lesiketi esifana lokwangaphezulu,l
o noma kanjani ungumongikazi nanoma kuthiwa into ziyafana nguNgadi ezama
ukubuyisa ingqondo ecabangisisa kahle.
Wezwa kubhakuza esifubeni uNgadi ngokukhulunyiswa ngumuntu obonakala ephezulu
ngokwempilo kantifuthi lomuntu ungathi uyamazi. Bamba nansi I 10rand uzathenga isinkwa
sizokhuluma kwelinye ilanga mangabe ngiphinda ngikubona"'
wabonga wangaqedi uNgadi lomuntu owayezihambela wadlula kanjalo wathi
ujahe emsebenzini. Wathenga sona isinkwa wadinga lamanzi wanatha wazizwa eqina
wathi ukubamba ivesi lakhe ngenhliziyo qede wazulazula phela bathi oluzulayo
luyadobha. Kulamalanga wayesehambela endaweni zase Beria ehamba ngo
Abel isitalada athi engafika kwenye indawo mangabe usulanda u Tudhohope kulendawo
okuphekwa khona amapapa afike acele ukubagezisela izitsha lamabhodo bamnike ipapa ayelala
ngesibomvu. Lapho ayehamba khona wayesehamba evule amehlo ethi uzabona uNgiga kodwa
lutho Ngiga ukubonakala phela abantu banengi egoli kanti futhi wawungeke usamazi uNgadi
wena ngendlela ayeseyiyona.***siyazigoqa lana namhlanje***asihlangane
ngoluzayo....iNkosi ibe nani buthongo obuhle kininonke.

ndebele jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

khelobedu jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.Ona le Lezimbabwe le lengwe bare ke "SHANGWARU" a le kgone khelobedu
... Le ro kgona ore "Ke laaka leo" Yatla nako bare Ba nyaka monna yo ba ka mmeyao Kgoshi...
Yomongwe monna A re "e kaba bttr reka beya Shangwaru
" ba botsisa shangwaru ba re "shangwaru wa dumela oba Kgoshi? Shangwaru a re "ke laka leo.
" bare ok O lukile.... Then matjatji atla nako E sepela...
Someone be a pategile soding... A ro Le beya "khesopagolo"
, yo mongwe a re a feta kuwa a khumana Phasela yela soding...
Then baya kgoro ,Ba botjisa Kgoshi bare
" mongwe o bile khesopa golo kuwa soding wena oreng ka taba yeo?
" Shangwaru a re "KE LAKA LEO" LOL NAMILE ba montsa bo kgoshing,
now kgoshi ke "malonto" #LOL NO NAME#.

2.Mokgadi oile a ngwala Newspapeng ya daily-sun ore onyaka monna
yo akase motiyego ibile wagose sepele kudu ka morago a matxatxi wa kokota
monna lebating la mokgadi,, oile ga bula a kumana ele motho wago hloka matsogo le maoto,,
mokgadi a re" kele tusa ka eng papa" monna a re"ke tlile ka taba yela ya newspaper
ke boni gore kenna yo omo nyakago"
mokgadi a re"bjale mpeteng leya go bereka bjane lele so? ".
Monna a re "kane o njiya bjang mosadi,, obona okare mo lebating Ke kokotile ka eng Makwala.

3.Ee Ahh! Obe ona le monna yomongwe a rata dikuku 2much...
Abona gore ge aka phela ka dikuku plan ke gore aye kerekeng ya Zione...
Monna yo oile aya mpoone... Wa thoma o biniwa mokhukhu..
Balapa bare "ge oka fufa kudu otla kereya dikuku tje di ngata.
" monna yoo A re wa fofa a fufela godimo kamatla keabona myb o khutlile le modimo ka hlogo..
GE a re o fihla fase.. A kereya le gore neh Bare Dikuku di fedile...
Even 2day o kereke ya Zion #SMASH MAEKO#

4.Obe ona Le Moruti yomongwe yobe obe a sa rate o seiwa...
Tjatji le lengwe okwa a reila bicycle (paesekela) and ebe e hloka dibrik,
akwa a khokolowa pela a batho..
A fihla tsowa fase.
EIX... Batho ba tsheya blind.. A tsowa aze thintha a re
"le seisa Keng? Akere legodimong bare re folowe ka mokgwanoo!"
le 2day osa bofile pantishi. [SmAsH_MaEkO]

5.Ijo! Paepae one kgang ya go sere selo thwi.
Lehono le ge ke eya sekolong ka bo iri ya seswai,
ke fitile a fapane ka dipolelo le Segagabi,
gomme Segagabi a fets a mo isa seatla. O mo iteile ka legosi\mpama,
kekwa Paepae are "O kase mpethe la bobedi."
Ba mogota ka legala le lengwe la mpama, ke kwa are "O kase mpethe la boraro."
Segagabi a mmetha gape,yaba nna kea feta ka leba sekolong.
Ge ke bowa sekolong ka bo iri ya bone, ke ba hwetsa gape ba sale gona kua,
Segagabi a fetsa go betha Paepae gape.
Kege Paepae a rurugile thamo ye okare o momile mahlatsa.
Gomme ke kwa Paepae are "O kase mpethe la bo 2976."

venda jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.1.kunwe kutukana kwo buya kwa vunda
record chykoloni cha Gubukubu musi
mudedzy wakho wa History bory hudiwe
na zwi2 zwa kale kwone kwa hwala miako
muc kuchy budziswa ury y kuchiry ndiba
kale kwary ndi nga ury ndi ex ya Yeso.

i.ndikhou tangana na lujonngo nga
uri ubva dzi 15 uswika dzi 17
ndandigai ndikhouitani ndari
ndandi (brain)ndikhou braya nama
nga brai stand ndari inwi naniga
ari ovha amunyanyani akhou braya
na nama nga (nyanya stand)

Mzansiin : sep 04, 18:46
2.Mukalaha vho lovha vha sathu
zekana na mufumakadzi
wavho,mufumakad zi vha jia vha
thukula vhudzimu vha phula buli
kha luvhondo lwa bedroom he
duvha na duvha vhaya vhadi thusa
munna wa nextdoor a vhona zwe
musadzi vha ita a swika a visa zwo
nambetedziwaho luvhondoni a
panga zwawe
vhusiku honovha musadzi vhada
na lufhanga vha thukula vhe-
daddy rikho muvela kha room
ntshwa

Mzansiin : sep 05, 18:08
3.Zwothoma ndikho
soko ditshimbilela,
ndi tshito bvelela kha bada yoya Musanda,
ha mbodi bvelela munwe nwana wa vhudi blind,
we ndavha nditshi mufuna mara ndi tshito mushona,
houla nwana a soko smiler, nda murwa nga smile
tsha mupengo a dada, Ari "ni khoya gai?"
ndari "nda khoda ha hawe!" A setshelela ari
"inwi nia penga wee, sa lini?" Nda musedza matoni,
Ndari "aribve badani
riyo imela hafhala fhasi ha muri"
Uto swika fhasi ha muri,
ri tshito sedzana fhedzi, ambo didi latela kha nne,
nda mutendela zwothe zwine a khodo ita,
a kwatamisela thoho yanga khae a nhevhedza, mara nda sipfe
uri ori mini cz hovha huna mimuya nyana,
A disa mulomo wawe kha wanga,
ra mamana lusa kondelelei, Nda thoma u
muphuledzekanya hothe nakha Madamu,
nditshi tsela na Tshipakoni, A thoma u nukala,
na Nne hangeno fhasi nda ipfa yoto ndiii, Nda gonyisela
rokho yawe ntha, Nda mukwatamisa
a mpfuralela, Nda musendedzela tsini,
ndi tshiri ndia i..., aah Alarm yambo divha
ikho nkarusa eish. Miloro nayo hey!

Mzansiin : sep 23, 18:08

3.NNDAAA!! HEINO PAGE I KHO U TODA ZI ADMIN
MBILI, ZA MBEU INWE NA INWE!!
Fhezi admin za hone zitea u ita
zwitevhelaho. {1}U RUMELA JOKES MBILI ZO
TAMBAHO, ZINE A ZONGO TO U
TSWIWA KHA INWE PAGE.
{1}ADMN ZA HONE ZI FANELA UVHA
ZI VHATHU VHA NO U KONDELELA,
NA U KONA U TSHILA NA VHATHU,
NGAURI VHATHU VHA ASITA.
{3}ADMIN ZA HONE HU TEA U VHA
HU VHATHU VHANE A VHA DZHENI
KHA FACEBOOK NGA U
KHWAKHWARUDZHA.
{4}ADMIN ZA HONE ZI TEA U VHA
ZINA TSHIKILI TSHA U AMBA NA
VHATHU, HUSI NGA NDILA YA U
SEMA VHATHU, NA U NWALA
MATAMBA. {5}ADMINS ZA HONE ZI TEA U VHA
HU VHATHU VHA NO DIVHA
FACEBOOK U VA NA U DZHENA.
{6}ADMINS ZI TEA U VHA VHATHU
VHA NO U SHUMISA LUAMBO LWO KUNAHO.

Mzansiin : sep 06, 16:27
5.Ndovha ndo siya foun yanga ha Majasi..ndi tshi swika hayani nda
zwi humbula uri ndo hangwa founu yanga.
Ndi tshi humela ha Majasi nda wana o khuba o kwata lu ofhisaho.
Nne nda thoma nga u dzhiya founu yanga..ndi tshi i sedza nda
wana ina 50 MISSED CALLS dza Majasi..
Nda muvhuzisa uri ndi ngani no kwata??
Majasi ari ndo kwatela uri ndo ni founela lunzhi-lunzhi ni sa fari
founu..ndi tshi kho u toda uni vhudza uri no siya founu!!
Thongo tsha fhindula ndo mbodiva nda tuwa!Ndovha ndo siya foun
yanga ha mujou..ndi tshi swika hayani nda
zwi humbula uri ndo hangwa founu yanga.
Ndi tshi humela ha mujou nda wana o khuba o kwata lu ofhisaho.
Nne nda thoma nga u dzhiya founu yanga..ndi tshi i seza nda
wana ina 50 MISSED CALLS za mujou..
Nda muvhuzisa uri ndi ngani no kwata??
MUJOU ari ndo kwatela uri ndo ni founela lunzhi-lunzhi ni sa fari
founu..ndi tshi kho u toda uni vhuza uri no siya founu!!

tsonga jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.Akuri na muyisa un'wana anga nghenela hi
matsotsi,ahaku heta kuhlamba,hi loko ahuma a
tsutsuma anga mbalaki,laha maporisa yan'wana
manga hlangana na yena,va ehleket ku mfana loyi
wapenga,van'wu teke vanyu yisa laha kungana swipengo,
ite aha tshamile na swipengo swinwani swimbirh,
lexi nwana axikha xi phasi ti hlapfi
endzen ka xikotela ,hi loko mfana luya axi
vutisa aku u phasi tingani tihlapfi.
xipeng xi hlamula xiku
wanya kam,uhleketa ku tihlapfi takoho
tita tihuma hikwini landzeni ka xikotela,

2.Akuri na mkhegula yinwan so,ayi tshama na tukul
wa yna wa xinuna.n ava tlel rumin ynwe.then one
day ku vhak xinhwanyetan xnwan.then lok ku fka
karh wo tlel kokwan va rhurhel dat grl embedwen
vna va tlel hasi na tukul wa vna.se lok vatlel lowa
jaha anavel muyen luy,aku plan iyin!! Agonya
mbedwa alanda sesi luy wa miyen.lok rixa kokwan
va vna bot luya ari mbedwen,#hku hlundzuk#se
swilo yini manjhe? Jaha riku ,eh ka kokwan nilowa.

3.Read this carefully....
A pastor was traveling Last week, he saw an old man, and gave
him a lift. While they were going, the old man said; my son, do
you know what happened in Heaven last night? The pastor was so
terrified and hurriedly parked and asked; Sir, are you sleeping?
How did you get the information about Heaven? The Old man
said; last night in Heaven God became very angry with man and
asked the Angels to blow the trumpet. The angels picked up the
trumpets and as they were about to blow it Jesus fell down and
began to plead in tears. The blood that came out of His hands
and body were very fresh. He told God that His death shouldn't
be in vain. God couldn't stand the pains of the saint and the
wickedness of the evil ones. So He said; "AM GIVING THEM THEIR
LAST CHANCE.". Jesus then turned to the angels and told them to
move down in their numerous numbers to tell the world that
"THE END IS NEAR, JESUS IS COMING VERY SOON". The pastor
(sweating and crying) asked; sir, how did you know this?. The
OLD MAN replied; I am one of the Angels sent to the World.
Please use every medium of communication to send this
message. No time to waste, Please! And the old man disappeared.
Brethren, this story is real, Christ is coming Soon. Please
REPENT. I beg of you. Please pass this message round. Copy and
paste it, share it, call, email and text it. PLEASE SAVE A SOUL
TODAY. Have done my part, it's now your turn to spread the
Gospel. No wealth can be compared to life everlasting in Heaven.

4.HOXANI NA NSATI
Kute siku rinwana nsati wa hoxani a kombela nuna wa yena
hoxani leswaku a nwi hluvela ticondzo loko yena aha sweka
vuswa coz a karhele siku rero..Hoxani dyo landzula dyi chata ka
fb dyambu rize rinyumpela.siku rero avadyi felangi mona hoxani
vadyi phamerile vuswa na xixevo dyidya...siku leri landzelaka
hoxani loko dyi ya ntirhwen dyi sukile na xikhafithini lexi adyi
longele hi nsati wa kona loko ku fika nkarhi wo dyidya dyi pfurile
xikhafuthini dyi kuma vuswa na xipapilana lexi axitsariwe leswi
landzelaka..NITE MIHLUVA TICONDZO TOLO MAHA
YENGA HI INTERNET SE GUGULANI NA XIXEVO
Hoxan Dyi fainter

5.Hoxani Kute siku rinwana hoxani dyiri classin dyikha dyi tsalai
xikambelo kufikele kunwana laha vanga tsala kuri WRITEi
TRUE OR FALSE -Bob Marley Was The Reggae Music Singeri
ivi hoxani ku vona sweswo dyo tsala kuri TRUE OR FALSE mudyondzisii
loko atava amakile avitana hoxan vitana staff room kuri ku twisisi..i
Mudyondzisi hoxani why unga hlawulangi xinwe ka true or false?i
Hoxani dyi hlamurile dyiku mudyondzisi mina ani landzelela instruction. i
Laha vangate write true or false.marha ku bob marley ari i
xiyimbeleri xa reggae ani switiva ani landelela instruction.. Thicara ri fainter

Zulu jokes

CONTINUE TO ZULU JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.Mavenda esebenza engadini, Kelebo no jack besebenza ngaphakathi endlini.
u Lebo no Jack ba klina baqeda babe sebevula I TV bavula namawindi ukuthi kushaye umoya.
Bashiya kudlala I bhola ku TV no Mavenda wayiqeda ingadi ba phumula
Uma sebephindela u Kelebo no Jack bafika sekungcolile endlini
bavele bacasuka wathi u Lebo heyi Jack thatha isagila mina ngizothatha lembazo
sihsaye labafana abangcolisa la endlini Waqala u jack wangena I TV ngembazo phumani
nina la endlini nidlalela ibhola la. Wathi u Kelebo ha ha ha ningene
kanjani la wangena amawindi ngesagila Wafika u Mavenda ne forkspade wathi yila
ma tiles lawa abenza badlale kahle wawangena nge forkspade

2.Uthsha kagrd2 ubuza izingane ukuth isiph isilwane
esgijima kunazo zonk?? zish lokhu,nalokhuya izingane
bese isukuma enye ith ishende ath uthsha ishende???
wawulibonaph ath laphuma ligijima phans kombheke kamama
ubaba walijaha ngomkhont wangalifhca wabuya eseth kuyagijima lokhu
uthsha:linjan mulibuka?? ath umfund libtkeka njengomunt
kodwa lona aligqok futh linomsila omncane phambili

3.Nangoke uthisha ebhalisa ispeed test
umbuzo wokuqala bhala ukudla okuhlanu okuthandayo (10 marks)
bagxuma bahlala ojomo no nsephe
pizza,fish nd chips,cheese burger,chocolate cake nd hot wings
umbuzo 2 kuphekwa kanjan lokudla okubhale ngenhla (25 marks)
kwezwakala ubufohlololo bamaphepha eklasini sekuqalwa phansi
uphuthu,ummbila,ubhontshisi

4.singathi ubani odinga isicoco sobulima la?
(1)Ubaba uthenge imoto afike kwakhe ayibophe
ngentambo egcekeni abuze unkosikaz ''baba
uyibophelani imoto ngentambo'' aphendule
umthombeni ''ay nkoskazi ngifuna iqale i jwayele
ekaya'' (2)umagceke washutha isithombe se ID ephethwe
isifo uzagiga,kuze kube manje i ID ayisavaleki
(3)siyozingela nomkhulu ehlathini salahlekelwa
usheleni umkhulu wathi asikhuthuze amaqhwagi
(4)kwa mdelwa bonke bagunde izimbungculu kodwa
bavuka ekuseni babange ikama
(5)umagceke ubhema iwoonga ngimcele ukuthi
angiwashele imoto wangibuza ama peks.
(6)ugogo kamathayi uma ephuma kohola impesheni
ungena ngewindi uthi umnyango uyathathela
(7)ugogo kamathayi mangabe efuna ukudlala
izingoma ezipholile ufaka iradio efridgin
(8)umfundi:mem bengicela ukudweba uzahara
thisha:oh k kodwa wenze sho ukuthi ipencil yakho
*iloliwe*

5.UJomo uhamba ngesithuthu uya kubo kwentombi yakhe
ukuyodla idina kugcwele etafuleni kudliwe kuqedwe
bese kuthiwa ozokhuluma kuqala uyena ozogeza izitsha
kwathuleka etafuleni engekho okhuluma nomunye wavele
uJomo wabamba amabele entombi yakhe kwathuleka nje
endlini waze wenza ucansi baqeda akekho okhulumayo asuke
lapho angenele umama wakhona amqede ngocansi nayo
kuthuleke kungakhulumi muntu kuth kusuka lapho livele liyidlive
linethe izulu akhumbule uJomo mhlezane ethenga isthuthuthu kwathiwa
asigcobe uVaseline embhobhweni malinetha ukuze singafi akhiphe uVaseline
kwezwakala ngobaba wekhaya esethi
"Fuseg wena awuboni yini ukuthi ngiyozigeza izitsha" .

afrikaans jokes

CONTINUE TO MORE JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.Verlede jaar het ek en my swaer en my skoonseun per
vliegtuig naWindhoek gereis
om veral die dierelewe van Namibie te besigtig.
Last year, me and my heavy and my cleanson traveled
by flying harness toWindcorner specially to
belook the animal-living in Namibia.
In die Noorde het ons toe volop springbokke,
steenbokke, blesbokke,kameelperde en ook meerkatte gesien.
In the North we then saw full-up jumping goats,
brick buck, bald buck, camel horses and also morecats........

2.Jan vra vir Piet."Hoe sal ek weet of my
aanstaande vrou op ons troudag nog 'n virgin is?"
Se Piet:
"Met jul honeymoon vat 'n blik blou en 'n blik rooi verf en 'n graaf saam.
Verf dan jou een knater blou en die ander een rooi.
As sy dan se dis die snaakste ballas wat sy nog gesien het,
bliksem haar met die graaf."-

3.Ou Oom: "Ek het my ID verloor en moes my grys borshare
wys om my old age pension te kon trek"
Ou Vrou: "As jy jou broek afgetrek het
kon jy disability pension ook gekry het!.."

4. Hoe maak jy 'n man? Vrou dink na en antwoord.
"Jy kruis 'n vark en 'n by.
Dan kry jy 'n lui ding wat net die hele dag wil vreet,
brom en steek.." ...

5. Gatiep le in die hospitaal na 'n moerse ongeluk.
Hy vra vir die dokter:
"Sal ek darem kan kitaar speel?"
"Ja" se die dokter.
"Dis fantasties" se Gatiep, "want ek kon nog nooit nie!"
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!...

joke of the day

CONTINUE TO JOKES OF THE DAY AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

Father : Son i went to your school to get your end year results and they are not pleasing at all,they are very bad my only spoiled kid.
maths 15%,
Accounting 9%,
facebook 98%,
Physics 21%,
sepedi 28%,
watsup 100%,
english 14%,
mxit 95%,
biology 26%,
bjalwa 99%,
thobalano 2%.
I kindly ask you to improve the last one my boy***kwaaaaa****

sepedi jokes

CONTINUE TO SEPEDI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.Thobela kgoro ye e hlomphegago nna ke rata go leboga papa ka ge a sanke a apara
gohlopo(condom) ka gore nkabe ke sego mo lefaseng le la rare....kea leboga papa.

Mzansiin : sep 04, 18:46
2.orele ole ka sekolong morutishi ago botsisha gore six minuz 3 oshala bokae.wena ware
gao tsebe,are ge bokoko gao ba ka reka makwinya a six aja
a mararo o shala a makae? Wena wa fetola ware bokoko ke mphsa ba tla ja kao fela.

Mzansiin : sep 05, 18:08
3.ka mokgo elego wena yo montso ka gona ge o feta strateng mosegare
di streets lyts turn on thnkn its already nyt

Mzansiin : sep 05, 18:39
4.A pedi guy was filling in the forms. He saw the part written "Age". He said "Ba na le
botho byang e bile ba re dumedisha mo diformong".
Then he filled in "Re gona re ka botja lena." ...

Mzansiin : sep 06, 16:27
5.Matome o founela Thobela fm lenaneong la Ditla le meso
SEBASA:dumela motheeletjie rea go amogela mo lenaneong la rena la ditla le meso
MATOME:dumela ke nna MATOME KHOZA gotjwa kamo Moletjie KE KGOPELA GOBA HLOKAINA
SEBASA a sa tlabegile ke ge MATOME a tjwela pele a re:"ke kgopela
kosha yela ya Solly Moholo ana le Beyonce yona ba re ke loliwe,,,kea leboga...

Monday, 27 January 2014

MZANSIIN

CONTINUE TO MZANSIin MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1. i have learned that it's not what you have in life but who you have life that counts .....

2. Hey i know we best friends,do you mind if i date your ex......

3. What wil you do if i had an accident with your car....
4. Just saw your lover kissing with another person.will send photos now...
5. I still love you,(from your ex)....

6. "remeber when i said i want to tell you something and you said it didnt matter and we had unprotected sex?i am hiv positive.....

7. I have learned that you cannot make someone love you All you can do is be someone who can be loved.....

8. i have learned that no matter how much i care, some people just dont care back...

I9. have learned that it takes years to build trust,and only seconds to destroy it....

Sunday, 26 January 2014

good luck poems

CONTINUE TO MORE POEMS AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

Blessings of Good Luck May you be blessed with abundant fortune and luck, May there never come a time when you have to sulk.
I wish everything always seems to work in your favour, I wish that you may fulfill all your aims and endeavours.
And when on days you really don't know what to do, May lady luck keep shinning up bright above you. Good luck to you.
Fight for luck
Good luck shines in the life of the brave, Always be strong, luck will become your slave.
Don't ever be let down by failure, Give life a tough fight like a warrior.
Luck will come knocking at your door, And your whole life will begin to glow. Best of luck to you.
May God pour all the luck on you. BEST OF LUCK.
May your magical charisma get you loads and loads of success. I wish you Good luck.
Some are born lucky, some are born talented. You are both. Good Luck.
Wishing you all the good luck in the world for your pursuits in life. God bless.
Wishing you good luck in what you have planned to do.
All the best to you in what you are doing. You will be successful, don't worry.

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

xhosa jokes

CONTINUE TO MZANSI JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

YEAH!!!!!! kwakukho omnye umzi ke ekwakuthukwa gqitha kuwo sebeyiqhelile.kwabona nje sebebizana ngeminqundu,omisunu ndibalani na!!!!!.. Hayike umama wakhona wacawa yena ngoku kule cawa yakhe kufuneke kuze umfundisi.........hayke weza ngenye imini......phambi kokuba ezile umama loo uye wayala abantwana ukuba bangathuki ngoba uyeza umfundisi ......kwavunyelwana ke. Umama"yenzani into yokuphunga nina" wayenza ke lomntana .wayigalela kwi coffee mugs wabeka nesosi wayisa.... hayke xa ebenikeza caba umfundisi akayithathi isosi lee nanko ke umsila uphushuruka ........"kutheni ungayithathi nje isosi?" hay wena mntanam yiyeke ngoba ayo cup lee yi cofee mug...."okaaay iyaku tshisa khehle unye itea lee umuncu nje" yhoooo wothuka lamama waphendula "yewena msunwakho masende kayihlo nditheni ngokuthuka mqundu... wamangaliseka umfundisi nanko naye ephendula...... rha kuse kunyeni kwalapha kulomzi THIXO WAM NDIXOLELE NAWE NGEKE UNYAMEZELE UKUNYA ENDIKUKO......

english jokes

CONTINUE TO MORE JOKES AT MZANSIIN.CO.ZA

1.Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend.
Her mom wanted to help her,
so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date she said,
"That was the worst night of my life!" "Why is that?" her mom asked.
"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!" "Isn't that a good thing?"
"He's the original owner mom!"

Mzansiin :
2..I miss the time when cell phones were
for real businessmen and not for girls to snap shots in the toilet!.

Mzansiin :
3.GIRLFRIEND:(to her boyfriend) babe i cheated.
BOYFRIEND:so what?do you think i love you?
I've also been cheating on you for the past two years.
You're just for fun. GIRLFRIEND(CRYING) I was talking about my exams!

Mzansiin :
4.Themba sees a hen being screwed by 4 cocks....
later that evening his mom serves the same chicken!
Mom: themba eat your food....
he looks @ d chicken with such disgust...
Themba: i dont eat whores!

Mzansiin :
5.Have you ever just stopped
and realized that if you hadnt met a
certain person in your life,
your life would be completely different
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom -
let your email find you!